My Dad

My Dad age around 16 in Lubbock TX.

My Dad at his cousins memorial service in January this year.

I have always been a Daddy’s girl.

I was adopted as a baby. As I grew up, my Dad was the person I clung to. He took me to his family’s reunion every year at Lake Brownwood, TX. He was the one that spanked me, yet I never hated him for it. I did not get along with my Mom. She and I clashed like crazy and my Dad was always the strong and quiet person in the background just keeping things together.

I moved away from home as a teenager and always kept in contact with my Dad. As I moved around, he always was willing to help and was always there for me. He paid for a year and a half of college and got me back home after I lived in Ohio for 3 months and knew I couldn’t stay there anymore. He sent money if I was in need, he paid for my teeth, and was always just a phone call away.

He had a heart attack in the July 2000. I had just moved back from Colorado since my grandfather had passed away in March so thankfully I was here. I was 30 years old. I was so scared of losing my Dad but the hospital did a quintuple bypass, installed a pacemaker, and was fine. He got a defibrillator a few years later and was okay. A few years ago, he developed bladder cancer as a side effect of his multiple mylosis. He underwent 6 surgeries to remove tumors and was finally declared cancer free in March this year.

So go figure, not even a month after that, he got sick. He started feeling bad and fell. He was sent to the hospital where they couldn’t find anything wrong so they sent him to a rehab facility. He stayed there 28 days. He was doing well there. He was getting exercise, doing his therapy, and was able to go home.

Once he went home, he fell again. And again. Then he stopped wanting to get out of bed. Then he stopped wanting to eat. My Mom called and got “at home hospice”. They came twice a week and I brought a caregiver over twice a week so he would have help. This went on for 3 weeks. My cousin said he would come see my Dad since we weren’t sure how long he would be here so he booked his flight and I really thought my Dad would live long enough to see my cousin, my Dad’s only nephew. My Dad got so bad off that my Mom finally called and had him sent to a real hospice. 2 hours later while I waited for my cousin to fly in from Boston at 11pm, he died. So my cousin got here at the exact same time my Mom TEXT me to say he was gone.

My cousin drove me to the hospice place to see him and say goodbye. My cousin also took me to a bar after we saw my Dad and for the next 3 nights that he was in town. I needed it. I drank, cried, talked to my cousin. I even met a guy at the bar who lost his father to the same cancer and cried with him. That helped but I’m still not done grieving. I may never be done and that’s okay.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I miss my Dad multiple times a day still. I am cleaning out rooms in my parents house to move in and therefore finding all a lot of my Dad’s stuff which makes me very sad so I thought I would write about what happened. I cried as I wrote. But I think it’s good that I can finally put in words what happened.

Christmas 2016 – our family

This has been very hard on my son too. He won’t talk about it still. I have him seeing a therapist because he needs to talk to someone. We loved my Dad and always will!

12 thoughts on “My Dad

  1. A beautiful tribute to your dad. May his presence always be in your heart,
    Although painful to realize your loved one isn’t physically with you. But will always be in the good memories you shared. Healing does come gradually, when you realize how much they would want you to move on. God tells us that ‘there is a time for every season’ including mourning (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), so cry if you want to and let the cleansing tears wash away the sadness in remembering he’s no longer in pain. Our hope is our faith, we will soon see our loved one again when Christ returns and takes us home.
    This has helped me move on when my precious mom passed away in a similar fashion. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

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