Harder than I thought

I went 36 hours with no cigarette and caved. I smoked half of one and threw it out because I was dizzy and it didn’t taste good. The reason? I had left a pack of cigarettes in my car. My son and I broke up the last pack that I had open at midnight on New Years and flushed them. When I remembered over and over about that last pack in my car, temptation won. I did not pack them like normal. I just opened it up, took one out, and lit it thinking this is what I need, and boy was I wrong.

After 5 puffs, I was dizzy and didn’t want it. I took one more puff and threw it down. I was standing outside in the rain, smoking, and I didn’t even want it! I still had 19 cigarettes (there are 20 in a pack for those who have never smoked). I came upstairs, stood over my commode, broke every single one that was left, and flushed them. Yes, it’s a waste of $6.60 but for my health, it’s a win. I did not smoke at all yesterday although I did think about that pack constantly. I’m glad I flushed them. I am a nonsmoker. I posted to my quit group that I smoked and may get kicked out for it but I am human, I will have problems overcoming this addiction, so I hope they don’t kick me out. At least I am trying!

I have slept a lot in the past couple of days. It’s easier than thinking sometimes. I don’t have a job until Friday and I am not spending so I am not going out. I watched Coffee Shop (very cute) and Bird Box (umm yeah) and some game shows that are on Netflix. I am caffeine free with no issues there.

Image by 123rf.com

I have been watching multiple quit smoking videos. Maybe I am just overthinking like usual and just need to not think about it like the caffeine. I haven’t run downstairs and stolen a Dr. Pepper from my mom for the caffeine, why am I so addicted to the cigarettes? So I am just going to not look at anything and be me. If I have a craving, too bad, I have no more hidden cigarettes and only $2 in cash on me so it’s not like I can go get any.

I am going to make a list of my reasons why I quit to look at when I have cravings. Maybe that’s my next step. I am also trying to remember how I just quit when I moved to Colorado in 1999. I seriously just never looked back. I need to recreate that.

Y’all have a good day. I’m going to go back to Netflix.

21 thoughts on “Harder than I thought

  1. I quit smoking 3 months ago and I now vape. It’s still getting nicotine (a little) but not the other crap that is in cigs. I know it’s not as good as quitting completely, but for me, it’s a step in the right direction. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s okay that you had a little slipping. You’re still trying & that would be a darn shame if they kicked you out of the group. So proud of you for kicking the caffeine so quickly & easily. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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